Everyone talks about how the CBYX Program. How it’ll change your life, how it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity. But there’s a lot that they don’t tell you. Here’s a few things that I wish I had known before starting the program.
If you’ve decided to click on and read this blog post, then I’m assuming that you’ve been selected to be one of the next participants of the CBYX-YP program. If that’s the case, then congratulations! And if that’s not the case, you’re still free to read on and learn more about the advice that I think all future participants should keep in mind.
It would be near impossible for me to walk you through every aspect of the program, inform you on what you should be prepared for, and provide you with advice for each phase of the program in one post. Plus, I think it’s important to experience things on your own, both good and bad.
All of that being said, there are a few things that I think I, and most of the other current and previous participants, would’ve liked to know beforehand. And I hope that by sharing those things here, they’ll prove to be of some use to you in the future.
1. The other participants placed in the same language school as you will become your closest friends. It’s okay to rely on them.
The first phase of the program places you and a group of your fellow participants into a city with a language school. For my current cohort, those cities consisted of Cologne, Radolfzell, and Saarbrucken.
Other than a quick question on whether you’d have a preference for a city, you don’t really have the ability to nudge the program officers on where you’ll be placed or who it’ll be with. And once you find out, it’s pretty set in stone.
Whether you want to or not, you will become bonded with the other participants who are placed in the same city as you. It’s hard to explain the type of bond that you’ll have, but I know that it’s nothing that I’ve ever felt before and a lot of people I’ve spoken to feel the same way. These will be the people that you’ll attend class and go on mandatory excursions with. You’ll go out to bars and try out new restaurants together. You may even take a trip to Amsterdam or Paris together. You’ll naturally gravitate towards them. It’s hard to forget about the people who you don’t have to feel bad about speaking English with and who also happened to move to a foreign country with you.
While I’m not sure what it was like in the other language school groups and cities, everyone who was placed in Cologne with me has no feelings of dislike for anyone else. Even if we weren’t necessarily the closest of friends with everyone. I am not alone in feeling as though many of these people will remain friends with me for the rest of my life.
Just because you haven’t known these people for a long time doesn’t mean that you can’t rely on them like you would your other friends. If something frustrating happens, vent about it in your language school groupchat. Odds are someone else is feeling the same way about their host family or the food or the country in general. If you’re feeling homesick and depressed, tell someone and ask them if they’d want to go do something so you can distract yourself. Without a doubt, they would say yes. They’re feeling just as lonely as you are.
Everyone is just really good at hiding it.
2. Your host family situation doesn’t have to make or break your exchange year.
There are a lot of people who participate in this program just to experience a host family.
While I’m not sure if this is shocking news to you, it certainly was to me. Never in my life had I had any interest in living with a host family and during the filling out of our interest forms, I actually specified that I would prefer to be without a host family. There really wasn’t a reason for this. It just didn’t seem like something I would be interested in. I thought this was a normal way for people close to our age to feel. But the more I talked to the other participants, the more I learned that my feelings weren’t of the majority.
Most people were excited to foster relationships with their host families. They wanted to practice their language schools, learn more about the country from a native’s perspective, have an easily accessible support system, and just foster these multinational relationships as soon as possible.
There were a lot of people who got exactly what they wanted. Their host families prepared all of their meals or took them out of the city to visit some of their other realties for birthday parties. Some host families invited their participants to come back whenever and they would make space for them.
But, there were also some people who had host families that treated them more like tenants. They were expected to show receipts of what they bought foodwise, they were accused of theft, or accidentally locked outside in the middle of the night on the balcony of a multilevel home for hours. They were told that if they wanted to have guests, they needed to pay extra. They would suddenly throw expectations and judgements towards the participant that weren’t as helpful as maybe they expected them to be.
While I don’t want to make anyone nervous(because at the end of the day you can always contact the language school or the program officers for host family assistance), I do think that it’s important to be aware of all the different types of situations that you could be walking into. It’s good to want certain things like a wonderful host family. Who wouldn’t want that? Even though I didn’t want a host family, as soon as I found out I was going to have one, I hoped that they would be nice and helpful. It’s good to be prepared. It’s also good to realize now that whether you have a successful program or not shouldn’t be because of a host family. It shouldn’t be because of anyone other than yourself.
3. Comparing yourself to everyone else will only lead to negative feelings.
This is actually a piece of advice that you’ll hear in almost every one of your orientations even before you’ve departed to Germany.
I remember growing tired of how often I heard. It seemed obvious not to compare yourself to what others were experiencing on their own program.
But, despite how often I heard it and how obvious it seemed, I still managed to not listen to this piece of advice. During the first two phases of the program, and even now still, I was comparing myself to what I found out others were doing. And while talking to a few others during our most recent seminar, I was glad to learn that I wasn’t alone in comparing myself. There were many others who couldn’t stop themselves from doing the same thing.
We were thinking about the traveling everyone else was doing, the fun classes that they were getting to attend, how quickly they were improving in their language skills, and what type of internships and jobs they had all found. And we were feeling disappointed in ourselves for not feeling like we were at their level even though it didn’t matter. This disappointment in myself definitely led to a couple of anxiety attacks and days where I didn’t want to do anything but stay inside and scroll online to see what everyone else was doing. Constantly comparing myself to everyone else made me feel like I was taking advantage of my time properly, like I wasn’t using this to my advantage, and that everyone was doing better than me in a program where it shouldn’t matter what other people are doing.
This program is full of people pleasers and overachievers which means that we’re all used to comparing ourselves to everyone around else. Are we doing as good as everyone? Are we falling behind? But there is genuinely no reason to have that mindset in a program like this. Everyone is having their unique journey and it’s harder for you to enjoy the one you’re on if you’re too busy paying attention to everyone else’s.
4. Accept early on that the homesickness will never really go away.
I wasn’t surprised when I felt homesick my first day in Germany.
Nor was I was surprised when I felt homesick a month later.
But I was surprised every time I felt homesick after that. I thought that the feelings would fade away. I was starting to become adjusted to my new life, I was making friends with other people in my cohort and we were actually experiencing things together, I had figured out a schedule to talk to my family and friends back home without completing overwhelming myself or them. And yet those feelings remained.
I would be on social media and see my entire family gathered together in a photo or have a dream centered around a food that was only back in the states, and I would suddenly be washed in sadness and longing to be back home with the people I’ve been around my entire life. This happened even when I thought I was fine going days without talking to anyone back home and was more than happy with German cuisine.
It would hit me out of nowhere, and initially, I thought that this had to be a sign that maybe I wasn’t strong enough to be on this program. If I was really happy here, I wouldn’t be feeling sad and wanting to be back home. But, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that this wasn’t the case. The only thing that me being homesick meant was that I missed the people, the food, and the culture that I loved.
Two things can be true at the same time. You can love the country that you’re in while still missing the only one that you’ve considered your home. And there’s nothing wrong with this. Feeling homesick and wanting to have days where you call your family as long as possible and talk about all the foods you wish you could be eating or all the places you could be visiting.
Just avoid letting those days happen too often and distract you from the fact that you’re supposed to be making new memories. Everyone and everything will still be there in a year. And all of those people are excited about the experience that you’re having. Don’t let their excitement be for nothing.
5. Avoid saying no.
This may sound a little strange, but you need to trust me on this one.
Being in a country where you don’t really know anyone, may not be able to fully speak or understand the language, and are constantly feeling sadness about missing home can you make me want to stay holed up in your room. And while it’s okay to have days like this, it does almost completely defeat the purpose of being on an exchange program.
It may feel easy to say no when the other program participants or classmates or even new friends ask you to hang out. You may feel like you won’t be the right type of energy or like it’s too much a hassle to get there from your place. You may want to use every excuse possible to get out of it, but try to fight back on that desire and just say yes to going out.
Going out with my fellow participants to indie film screenings and to firework shows and all the other things I initially didn’t want to do are what have formed some of the strongest and most favorite memories I have of being on this program. Even if the films didn’t make sense or we were on the wrong side of the bridge to see the fireworks. Doing these things were how I got close to everyone and realized that they all felt similarly to how I did. Not all of them wanted to constantly be going out either, but they were making themselves do it because they knew they’d regret if if they didn’t.
Avoid as much regret as possible during your time on this program even if that means forcing yourself to go hang out with other people. Unless you do genuinely feel anxious, overwhelmed, or unsafe. Or even if you just need a bit of a break. That’s okay too.
6. Fight through the embarrassment of not being fluent.
If you’re coming into this exchange year with little to no knowledge of the language, start telling yourself now that you’re going to practice speaking it whenever possible. No matter what. Even if there’s a situation where someone is speaking to you in English, try to still use German.
Avoid thinking about how embarrassed you’re going to feel if you mess up. No one is actively judging you even if they may correct you. They genuinely just want to help.
Think about when you’ve interacted with someone who’s first language wasn’t English and they would maybe pronounce something wrong or mixed up their grammar. At that moment, were you judging them? Odds are, you weren’t because you were still able to understand what they said and respond back to them. Unless you come across an unkind person, no one is going to call out your language level. They’ll be happy enough to see that you’re trying.
And even if you’re thinking about what others are going to be thinking of you, does that really matter in the grand scheme of things? Especially if they don’t voice their thoughts to you. At the end of the day, you’re trying your hardest to learn another language in a non-school setting. Is that something that they’re currently doing?
And this real-world application and practice is going to be what improves your language skills more than anything. I mean, it’s what has grown mine more than the language school phase did.
You can’t get better in a language or feel more confident about speaking it unless you actually use it.
7. Learn to be okay with being alone.
A good portion of this program will be spent alone.
You’ll obviously have the others on the program, maybe new friends, and the rest of your support team, but your day-to-day may be spent alone especially during your arrival in a place such as your final placement city, university, or even your internship. And if you’re someone who’s used to constantly having people around that you know, that may feel a little weird. Especially when you realize that there are things you want to do but that you don’t necessarily want to do alone.
It’s going to be difficult, but you’re going to have to learn how to be okay with being alone. There are plenty of people who don’t want to travel or attend an event or even go to a film if that means being alone. And as someone with anxiety, that’s something that I understand all too well. But you shouldn’t miss out on things that you want to experience simply because no one else wants to go or there’s no one for you to invite. You need to experience the things you want to experience without having this reliance on others.
There’s two options that I would suggest to start to build this comfortability.
The first is to start small. Maybe don’t attend a giant festival alone, but instead set a day where you’ll do something each week. Maybe it’s just walking around a shopping center or going to a museum or watching a film. Once you start to enjoy these days, you may not even find yourself wanting to invite other people to go to certain events that you already know they’ll say no to. And if not, at least you’ll feel more comfortable when you find yourself having to walk through a music event or flea market alone.
The second is to set a plan. If you’re going to an event, figure out what you want to do when you’re there. Is there a schedule of events? What do you want to see first? Do you plan on eating while you’re there or beforehand? Or you can even change this plan into goals that you set for yourself. Like maybe you’ll introduce yourself to new people and see if any of them will want to hang out with during the event or maybe see how long you can stand being alone before you decide you’re ready to head home.
If you’re extroverted or just someone who loves being around their friends, then I know that this one will be tough, but I believe in you. Don’t let anyone stop you from still going out and having a good time.
8. Stop wanting to rush to the next thing.
As soon as you land in Germany, you’re going to want to be in your language school city already. After you’re settled there, you’re going to wish that you were starting university. And once you’re there, you’ll be wishing that you were starting your internship. Next thing you know, your program is over and you spent all of it just waiting for the next thing.
This is something that I, and a lot of the rest of my cohort, are victim to. We would have endless conversations, both in person and online, about how we were just ready to move already and how badly we wanted to start taking classes or working at our internships.
And it’s not like we weren’t enjoying the current phase of the program or whatever we were doing. It’s just that we were almost more excited about the next thing. Only to find out that as soon as we made it to the next thing, we were suddenly wishing to be back in language school or in our previous city or in class again.
There are so many things to look forward to in this progam that I can understand it being difficult not to be excited. In fact, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be. Especially if there’s one phase of the program that you’re looking forward to then the most.
Just try not to look so far ahead that the rest of this program passes you by in a blur and you’re not sure where all of the time went.
9. You’ll feel like your falling behind.
Similar to how you may be comparing yourself to your fellow participants, you may find that you’re also comparing yourself to your friends and family members from back home.
This isn’t uncommon.
If you’re taking a year off from university, you may see your friends graduating or moving up a year or simply experiencing the parts of university that you were excited about, and that may cause some regret. And if you’ve already graduated, you may see your past classmates announcing their new careers and the cool companies that you’re working for, and that may cause some fear for the future.
There’s no easy fix to this type of comparison except for the fact that you need to acknowledge that you’re not in a regular life situation. You’re on an exchange program that’s taken you to an entirely different country for a year. Some people only live abroad for a semester. Most people never even travel abroad.
You’re still going to be attending a university for a semester and getting work experience for an entire half year. Not to mention you’ll be volunteering, learning a different language, going out on excursions to learn more about a culture that isn’t necessarily your own, and being an ambassador for your country. It’s not as though you’ll be sitting around doing nothing.
You’re not falling behind just because you’re not doing what everyone else is doing.
And who knows, maybe those same people that you’re comparing yourself to are looking at you in another country and wishing that they could be doing that instead.
10. It’s okay to be sad.
This one may be a little tough to hear, but you need to accept it now: you’re going to be sad during this program year.
The sadness won’t last forever. It’ll come and go, triggered by certain things depending on the type of person you are.
For some, that’s moving away from the people they’ve spent every day with for the past three months and moving to their placement cities. For others, that’s realizing that they won’t be able to spend the holidays with their family or other loved ones. Or it could be because of something as simple as waking up one day and realizing it’s been a bit since you were hugged or since you had the food from your restaurant and that you may still be going quite a bit without it.
I think preparing yourself for this sadness and being aware that it could happen at anytime is the best thing to do. This allows you to think about what type of support you’ll need to have in place for yourself that way you don’t just let yourself completely suffer. Start thinking now about whether you’ll need to push yourself through the day because staying at home only makes things worse or do you need to stay at home with your favorite show already downloaded and ready to go?
I can’t tell you the proper way to handle this sadness or how to make it go away, but I can tell you that eventually, you’ll remember that you’re in a beautiful country. That you’re experiencing something that some people can only dream of. That your international friends will text you inviting you to go play pool. That your fellow participants will start ranting in the group chat and it’ll make you laugh. And that’ll everything will be okay will be okay in the end.
If you have plans to apply for CBYX Young Professionals or anything similar, gather all your necessary documents ahead of time, draft your essay answers and allow someone to read over them, follow the advice given in this post, and learn more about the program by checking out my other posts.
